Archive for July 2014

The Pigskin Prophet

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Training camp is here! The NFL season is finally here and I couldn’t be happier. Players from all over have descended upon camp armed with contract demands and quality painkillers. So far nothing truly eventful has happened. I was personally hoping they would charge Aaron Hernandez with a couple more murders before camp kicked off. Instead we have to wait until the two trials he has pending.

The Pigskin Prophet is just the kind of lame name that attracts a lot of traffic so I figured I have nothing to lose here except dignity. It’s not like I’m going to post some ridiculous predictions on here however if the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl my friend Don Takano will wear a bikini top for a whole day. Still not enough for me to ever root for those pathetic losers.

At the end of the day there are plenty of football blogs written by F-list open mic comics and I’m glad you chose mine. If you’re not a total Neanderthal I suggest subscribing in one of the boxes to the left. That way you won’t miss a syllable of my musings. God forbid Aaron Hernandez kills again I break the story and you miss it. Well I must say this post isn’t bad for week one of training camp. Next week I might actually talk about football a little.

Quick thoughts:

New Orleans did just enough this offseason to make that defense nasty. If Drew Brees stays on par with his previous level of play I expect them to make a run at San Francisco and Seattle…..Philadelphia looks to have that division won already. It’s weak and despite losing Desean Jackson I feel a full year of Nick Foles and a healthy Jeremy Maclin make them the clear cut front runners in the East…..The NFC West is brutal. San Francisco and Seattle aren’t sneaking up on anyone but Arizona quietly went 10-6 last year while missing the playoffs. Throw in a much improved St. Louis team (especially along their defensive line) and that looks to be the most competitive division in the league…..Detroit has more offensive weapons than Israel but they’ll still figure out a way to miss the playoffs. Again…..Ray Rice only receiving a two game suspension is laughable. Makes those Bountygate suspensions look a little excessive now.

Bleachers-Thank You Very Much

Check out this bizarre promotional experiment for Bleachers upcoming album. If you look very close at the end you can see me.

Savage Henry Comedy Festival!

Stoked to be doing the festival this year. I will be on the Aug. 29th show at Blondies and on the Arcata Theater Lounge show Aug. 30th. Plus there’s a wiffle ball tournament! If you’re in the NorCal area don’t miss this!

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Zack Kahn Reading My Tweet

This is a video Zack made. Check out Winning One Liners and anything else Zack does. He’s a funny guy.

Spec commercial by Josh Cohen

Spent a day in the desert making this. Got pretty sunburned. It was fun. Hire me. I hate my job.

Scott Bowser Vs. Homeless guy

I miss El Cid.

Dr. Dog video by Ben Berman

I had the pleasure of being in a project my friend Ben Berman directed a couple weeks ago. It’s not ready to post yet but this is the last thing I did with him.

Show tomorrow night!

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Tomorrow night I will be doing this! Come out and enjoy some $2 PBR.

Something Silly

My friend Cornell showed me this a while ago and I found it hilarious. Found it as I was going through my YouTube channel and realized a shot for shot remake of this is the only kickstarter campaign I would ever donate money to.

The struggle man, it’s real.

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Anyone who has spent more than 15 seconds at a bus stop in Los Angeles has probably overheard or (more likely) has had an insane person aggressively spew this wonderful piece of nonsense three inches from their face “This is LA man!  The struggle is real man!  Everbody just tryin’ to get their grind on, you know?  Just about gettin’ seen man.  Everbody doin’ it.  Just gotta keep on…”  I have personally had at least 15,000 people share this incisive tidbit with me.  They all follow the same script too.  Is there a manual I never read because I was born here in Los Angeles County?  Did I miss out on a killer book on tape because I didn’t have the gumption to take a bus here from Hogfuck, Arkabama?  I think the answer is more ridiculous than most would believe.

Having grown up here in the Los Angeles area I have had the pleasure over the years of encountering several amazing people from all walks of life.  Sure some of them have been actors, musicians, producers and other entertainment types but most are regular everyday working people.  Teachers, lawyers, accountants, construction workers.   People from almost every field one could think of.  Guess what?  Every single one of them struggles or has struggled immensely at some point.  Not just successful people, all people.  Struggling doesn’t guarantee any measurable form of success.  It just means you are just like 99% of the world. Sorry to break it to you   You’re not that special.  That’s the problem with aspiring artists.  Most are delusional to put it mildly.

Sorry to break it to most of the people “grinding” in LA but it just won’t happen for you.  It’s the cruel reality of show business.  It takes years of hard work (something I hate therefore I’m content with my failures).  I’m also not trying to bully people that have moved here from other places.  I have visited those places and I would leave too.  I guess the point of this post is to express my disgust for people that have a sense of entitlement just because they’re putting forth some effort at something they may suck at. That and how some people feel because they’re attempting a career in entertainment their struggle is for some reason more important than what the rest of the world goes through.  Everyone struggles so just fucking deal with it.