The Pigskin Prophet


Training camp is here! The NFL season is finally here and I couldn’t be happier. Players from all over have descended upon camp armed with contract demands and quality painkillers. So far nothing truly eventful has happened. I was personally hoping they would charge Aaron Hernandez with a couple more murders before camp kicked off. Instead we have to wait until the two trials he has pending.

The Pigskin Prophet is just the kind of lame name that attracts a lot of traffic so I figured I have nothing to lose here except dignity. It’s not like I’m going to post some ridiculous predictions on here however if the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl my friend Don Takano will wear a bikini top for a whole day. Still not enough for me to ever root for those pathetic losers.

At the end of the day there are plenty of football blogs written by F-list open mic comics and I’m glad you chose mine. If you’re not a total Neanderthal I suggest subscribing in one of the boxes to the left. That way you won’t miss a syllable of my musings. God forbid Aaron Hernandez kills again I break the story and you miss it. Well I must say this post isn’t bad for week one of training camp. Next week I might actually talk about football a little.

Quick thoughts:

New Orleans did just enough this offseason to make that defense nasty. If Drew Brees stays on par with his previous level of play I expect them to make a run at San Francisco and Seattle…..Philadelphia looks to have that division won already. It’s weak and despite losing Desean Jackson I feel a full year of Nick Foles and a healthy Jeremy Maclin make them the clear cut front runners in the East…..The NFC West is brutal. San Francisco and Seattle aren’t sneaking up on anyone but Arizona quietly went 10-6 last year while missing the playoffs. Throw in a much improved St. Louis team (especially along their defensive line) and that looks to be the most competitive division in the league…..Detroit has more offensive weapons than Israel but they’ll still figure out a way to miss the playoffs. Again…..Ray Rice only receiving a two game suspension is laughable. Makes those Bountygate suspensions look a little excessive now.

Well about that lack of shows post…..


I officially quit my shitty job today and it feels great. I have a good gameplan as far as my next move goes and I’m starting to feel confident again which will serve me much better than that shitty job. Gonna miss a few people but I’m glad that period of my life is over. I feel I’m ready for any challenge the future can bring because of what I I went through there. Embrace change in your life. If something is holding you back from what you want then make the change. I know it sounds hokey but it’s true. Oh by the way right here on this very blog I will start my new NFL column. Starting next week. So you know. Subscribe or get me a new job. Thanks for reading. I love you all.

Sorry About My Lack Of Shows


I work for an awful corporate monster that has absolutely zero respect for my individuality or anything else that identifies me as a unique person. They keep scheduling me for brutal stretches of nights when I have gone on the record several times saying that nights don’t work for me. There are multiple people in my department yet they force me to be there almost every night because no one else wants to be there. Needless to say when I’m forced to be somewhere eight nights in a row it is difficult to maintain any type of performance schedule. Especially for standup. I’ve been dealing with this over a year and it doesn’t seem to be improving. I know my days are numbered there and I would love to get fired so I can collect unemployment but there’s no way I’ll ever be that lucky. If I was an expert hacker I would add my boss to I could just become an asshole and piss everyone off but that didn’t work the last time this scheduling shit got out of hand. This blog post serves no purpose. My work won’t read it and take action to aid me. Prospective employers will probably get scared because they don’t want to be the next group of shitheads that has to deal with me. I get no therapy from it because it just saps any sort of effort out of me. The only reason why I’m doing it is to have something to push me. Knowing this is out there on the record might actually force me out of there. If I’m still there in three months I can go back read this and realize nothing has changed and quit on the spot. It’s just a shitty restaurant tourists go to and get diarrhea because the food quality is shit and no one cares. Especially me.

Bleachers-Thank You Very Much

Check out this bizarre promotional experiment for Bleachers upcoming album. If you look very close at the end you can see me.

Savage Henry Comedy Festival!

Stoked to be doing the festival this year. I will be on the Aug. 29th show at Blondies and on the Arcata Theater Lounge show Aug. 30th. Plus there’s a wiffle ball tournament! If you’re in the NorCal area don’t miss this!


Zack Kahn Reading My Tweet

This is a video Zack made. Check out Winning One Liners and anything else Zack does. He’s a funny guy.

Spec commercial by Josh Cohen

Spent a day in the desert making this. Got pretty sunburned. It was fun. Hire me. I hate my job.

Scott Bowser Vs. Homeless guy

I miss El Cid.

Dr. Dog video by Ben Berman

I had the pleasure of being in a project my friend Ben Berman directed a couple weeks ago. It’s not ready to post yet but this is the last thing I did with him.

Show tomorrow night!


Tomorrow night I will be doing this! Come out and enjoy some $2 PBR.